The main problem with relationships today is that society has developed a throw-away mentality.  If something doesn't work, people no longer take it to a repair shop; they throw it away and purchase a new one.  Everything and everyone is replaceable.  This is the mindset that many bring to the table when dealing with relationships.  When life gets too hard, it's just easier to throw in the towel and start fresh.  So why not start fresh with your significant other?

Communication is Key

Having good communication skills is essential to a healthy relationship. It is important to talk things out with your partner when you are upset.  Problems always sound worse inside your own head, and sometimes just stating your fears and concerns out loud helps you see how ridiculous they are.  When you keep things bottled up, they fester and either come out as a million passive-aggressive acts or one big explosion.  As they say in Alcoholics Anonymous, "You are only as sick as your secrets."

Before you sit down and talk to your spouse about your feelings, write out a list of what is bothering you the most.  This will give you time to calm down and put things in perspective, so your spouse does not feel attacked.  Then write down one positive attribute of your spouse for each complaint.  There are lots of reasons why you fell in love, and this will allow you to remember them.  This way, you can come to your partner out of love, instead of anger and resentment.

Plan a Budget Together

The two most common reasons that marriages fall apart is a lack of money and time.  It is important in a relationship to be on the same page, especially when it comes to finances.  Sit down and write a budget together.  After all the bills are paid, set aside money for fun as well.  If you decide as a team how your funds should be allocated, then one person cannot be blamed for failures. 

 Schedule a Date Night and Stick to It

Make your relationship a priority, because without a firm foundation you cannot be truly successful in any other area of your life.  Going to work each day is not a choice that can get pushed to the backburner when something comes up, and your marriage shouldn't be either.  Plan a regular date night with just your spouse, and do not let anything else get in the way.  There will always be circumstances that come up, but you cannot let them take precedence over your marriage.

Pick your Battles

It is okay to disagree sometimes—as an individual, you have your own beliefs that may not always match up with your spouses—but you do not have to be disagreeable.  At times, you may have to just agree to disagree.  Do not let everything become a battle.  Some things are not that important, and you need to learn to just let them go.

Do Something Nice for your Spouse Everyday

Each day, do something to help out your mate, without being asked.  It doesn't have to be anything big, just a small gesture to let them know you care.  Serving others will make you feel better about yourself, and bring you closer to each other.  It will also let your spouse know that they are loved and appreciated.  You can also work on service projects together as a family.  Having a common goal and giving back to the community will help strengthen your bond.

Sometimes you may not be able to fix the situation on your own, as much as you want to. You may need to seek out professional help.  If there are underlying mental health issues or deep-seated anger and resentment, you may need to get the help of a licensed therapist.  A counselor will provide you and your partner with a safe, neutral environment to recognize and resolve the fundamental issues.  Couples therapy can also help you learn healthy problem-solving and coping skills.

To learn more about couples counseling, contact a counseling office like Comprehensive Behavioral Health Associates Inc. 

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